HEROES episode: Is it even Relevant?
by nightdancer342
Summary: Amazing plot twists and turns! Find out why Mrs. Bennett is going to the hospital, what Matt Parkman REALLY thinks about Peter, revealing HRG's motives as a company member, and what the heck happened to Molly. PURE HUMOR.


Believe it or not, I actually like Heroes. I often enjoy ruining my favorite shows- it's a habit. Here's another perfect example.

Heroes: (cue irritating wailing cow music)

Mohinder: "What are Heroes? Are they super beings? Or are they classified to a single individual that has the strength to rise above and defeat a common enemy, or to save a life? Is a hero to save millions or do they only have to save one being to be called such? Why is it that many deaths is merely a statistic, and one can be such a tragedy? Will we ever find the answers to these questions? Will they ever even be brought up again? Are they really relevant to this point in time? Well, at least I can answer that last question . . ."

. . . .

HIRO AND ANDO - LAS VEGAS

The scene opens where it left off from the week before, Hiro is standing, looking upset. Ando arrives, He had come from the local Casino and he walks toward Hiro, curiously. "What are you doing?" Ando asks. Hiro looks up, his face contorted into an expression one might find on a child's face. "Someone stole my new Manga." He whines, looking hopeless. "What do I do, Ando?" Hiro asks. "Um." Ando frowns, thinking. "When did it happen?" Ando asks. "Ten minutes ago." Hiro replies. "Um, You have super powers. Why don't you just go back in time and steal it back?" Ando asks, being that it is the most obvious solution. "I never thought of that." Hiro replies thoughtfully. "But… I can not do that." Hiro announces. "Why not?" Hiro puts his fist up in the air, determinedly. "Because, a Hero should never use their power for personal benefit." Ando frowns, "Should you walk even when you have a car?" Ando asks. "Well…no…" Hiro replies, "But, that is not the point. The point is that I accidentally went back into the past, too far before. I ended up meeting the man who I thought was a hero- like me- but instead he turned out to be veeery very evil." Ando frowned, "Only because you stole his girlfriend, because you couldn't let things be. And besides, he's dead now because Mr. Petrelli, who has been brought back to life merely because they couldn't think of who else could be a villain and he ended up taking his power and frying him to a crisp."

Hiro stood, agape.

CLAIRE -- BENNETT HOME, CALIFORNIA

Claire is sitting at the table at her home. Her nearly line-less, irritating younger brother, who seems to age more rapidly than Claire (Hasn't she been 17 for about four years now?) is sitting there, looking quite older.

Claire is picking at her food, being that she's invincible, it isn't necessary for her to eat, because her body will just regenerate if it starts to go into starvation mode- but she does so anyway, just so she can keep up the image that she is a healthy seventeen year old.

"Claire." Her mother says in a hickish accent that isn't in the accents of any of the other family members. "Will you drive me to the doctor today?" Claire looks up from her cereal bowl. "What?!" She says melodramatically. "What's wrong?" The mother shakes her head, "I think I've got ring worms from Mr. Muggles." Lyle snorts, "I told you that you shouldn't let the dog lick your mouth." He says, picking up his food to leave the room. "Well, Claire…" The mother looks at her pleadingly. "Will you take me?" Claire nods, "Sure mom." The mother blinked, "Thank you Claire. You're my hero… You're the best child I ever had."

Lyle pokes his head around the door, "HEY! I thought SHE was the one adopted."

PETER PETRELLI -- BROOKLYN, NEW YORK

Peter is sitting at a table, his hair in his eyes which are darkly circled as if he hasn't slept. "Nathan." He mumbles gruffly, only half of his mouth moves as if the rest has been paralyzed. "I know you're there." Nathan comes out of the shadows, suited, and looking fresh. "What are you doing here?" Peter grunts, snorting like a dying person (which coincidentally, that is who he was working for). "Come on Pete, you can read minds… Are the unnecessary questions, really necessary?" Nathan asks, blinking his blue eyes.

"Did somebody say mind reader?" Matt Parkman walks in, with the annoying tag-along Daphne. "Parkman?" Nathan blinks, turning around and looking at the cop. "What are you doing here?"

Peter glowers, looking uglier than ever. "You think so, huh?" He says to Parkman. "No, I…uh… never mind." Matt replies looking nervous. Daphne's whole upper body swings, to emphasize that she has actually made a movement. "WHAT?!" She screeches, her hair looking like it was cut by Edward Sissorhands. "Never mind Daphne, I think we should leave." He says. "If that is what you really think, than I think we should finish this!!!" Peter hollers (he doesn't do angry too well, so he ends up just spitting in the air and looking pathetic.) "Pete! What is it? What did he think?" Nathan asks desperately, unable to do anything but have the pitiful and useless ability to fly even though he has millions of free frequent flyer miles, and on airplanes he gets peanuts and cola. "He says- he thought, that I looked like I had cerebral Palsy!" Peter cries out. "Oh Pete!!" Nathan grabs Peter to maul his face … Daphne and Matt make their exit.

MOHINDER -- ISSAC'S LOFT, NY

Mohinder holds up his awful scaly webbed hands, inspecting his own handiwork- in which he went from a pensive ("It's all theoretical! I must have proof!") scientist one day, to a power hungry man who wanted to be as special as Sylar and his now-ex girlfriend Maya, who stupidly injects himself with untested chemicals just to, apparently, see the result.

"Stupid…so stupid!" He whispers under his breath. Mohinder picks up the recorder that is sitting on his table, and pushes the record button. He deepens his voice before saying into the speaker, "I want to play a game."

DAPHNE AND MATT -- ALLYWAY

Daphne looks all upset, and like she's about to run off (as usual). "What's the matter Daphne?" Matt asks. He frowns at her, his eyebrow raising, his face contorted as he tries to hear her thoughts. She sniffs, "I HAVE CEREBRAL PALSY!!" She hollers out, her blond head shaking, as she attempts to act. She then speeds off, faster than the speed of light. Which, Is probably what Matt should have done instead- just to get away from her. "DAPHNE!" Matt shouts out needlessly (she can't hear him- she's miles and miles away now). He helplessly swings his arms, looking in vain at the path in which she disappeared.

MOLLY -- NEW YORK STREETS

Molly sits down on the steps of a New York building, hugging her knees as she sniffles. "Little girl?" A passerby stops, looking at her questioningly. Obviously, the old woman lives in the town house in which Molly is sitting on the steps of. The woman is holding groceries. "What are you doing here?" She asks with a frown. "I…I don't have anywhere to go." Molly brushes her hair back behind her ears before continuing with her sob story. "Matt left me at his house for a while, and he disappeared off to Africa…or somewhere…and then, Mohinder is turning into Mohinder-the lizard!" She sobs. "And I couldn't even FIND the chameleon version Mohinder!" She begins crying uncontrollably. The old lady, turns away from her and smiles deviously (right at the camera), then she looks back at Molly, composing herself. "Well, come right in… If you would dear, help me with the groceries? I'm sure you'll be right at home here dear. Maybe it's fate that we met each other here today. Maybe we need to help each other out, yes?"

NOAH BENNETT AND ELLE

Noah (aka. HRG) is sitting in a white 'terrorist' van, studying a monitor set up in it. Elle, sits next to him. "Everything is going as planned." HRG says, he smiles looking like Norman Bates as he looks at Elle. Elle smirks, the right corner of her mouth going up to show amusement/or maybe irritation (leave it to audience interpretation so that when the writers decide which to choose, both options will be open.) "When does everything you want, NOT go your way?" Elle says sarcastically. "Well, we'll be able to find him now." HRG says. The camera slowly pans around as the music hollers in agony, to reveal a security cam on Molly as she enters the old lady's house.

TO BE CONTINUED …

(Or not…it depends)

NEXT WEEK TRAILER:

ANNOUNCER GUY: "Next week on HEROES…"

A shot of Mrs. Bennett turning around looking astounded is shown. She is wearing a white hospital gown.

CLAIRE (with tears in her eyes): "I'm sorry."

WHITE FLASH!

OLD WOMAN (to Molly) : "I want to take you somewhere, where even YOU can't find."

WHITE FLASH!

Peter climbs out of a car, it switches to his face. The corner of his mouth doesn't move as he rasps to an unfamiliar figure, "I would never hurt my brother- no matter HOW much you paid me!"

Scene flickers to Peter slamming down the blurry figure of a man down on a car hood.

WHITE FLASH!

The camera zooms into HRG's face. "Everything is going to change now!"

----

DISCLAIMER: All rights belong to their respected owners.

No disrespect was meant to the actors or writers or directors of the show. It's merely a joke and definitely not meant to be taken seriously.


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